The XFiles Love Medley
by Hate being abducted by aliens
Summary: A story concerning "En Ami", "All Things", "Hollywood A.D." and "Requiem", all from 7th season.
1. En Ami ou ennemi?

**Author's note:** Hey everyone! So, here's my new story. It takes place during season 7th, and it starts during "En Ami" episode. This story will also concern "All Things", "Hollywood A/C" and "Requiem". This is basicaly how I imagined that Mulder and Scully's relationship evolved from platonic to physical.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own "The X-Files".

R&R? Please?

;)

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><p>Scully was sat on Mulder's couch, looking at him impatiently, begging desperately for his attention. He wouldn't even look at her, which indicated that he was more than just angry at her, he was truly disappointed after her sneak out to a little trip with The Smoking Man. His avoidance was really disturbing her. She tried to clear her mind, though it was almost impossible. The truth is that he had such a power over her. The kind of power that she was always making an effort to get rid of, but his bonds were much stronger than her, actually they were getting even tighter with the years. And love, at some point, is nothing less nothing more than having power over the other's feelings. Anger, hate, guilty, jealous, revenge are only possible when you're under the other's power and surprisingly, are directly connected to love.<p>

She couldn't hep but to feel guilty, even though being aware that she wasn't completely. She couldn't have done it in any other way, it was her deal with The Smoking Man, it felt good to have something only concerned to her. He offered and she accepted, that was all. Deep inside, there were also undercovered reasons, it was good to finally act selfish as Mulder always seemed to do. It was meanly rewarding to make him pay for all the times he left her by herself to run some private investigation. Revenge, that's the word. But seeing him like that, his hurt look and avoidance were making her feel somehow guilty.

She looked over The Lone Gunmen. They were working hard to check the CD's content in the computer.

She tried to keep her interest in the subject, but somehow, now it didn't matter anymore. She was more concerned about what Mulder was thinking about her and how would she be able to make it up to him. Weakness and insecurity were taking her over, as the same time, pride and strength were being vanished away. Awful and helpless feelings.

There was that annoying silence. Frohike finally broke it:

"There's nothing on this."

Then Langly confirmed: "It's empty".

Byers only added: "Completely".

Scully suddenly got up from the couch and said firmly: "No, it can't be. It can't be. It's got to be on there."

They were all starring at her. Even Mulder now was actually looking at her, facing her. He had that awful "I told you so" look upon his face.

He dared to say: "Well, this isn't a surprise, right? I mean, that's what you get from hanging out with the devil".

She looked curiously at him, trying to search for any trace of sympathy into his soul. Though there wasn't any in that very moment, only anger in his eyes.

He started to move from the door towards her. Eyes burning like fire, and it didn't take much time for him to start his attack once again.

"Seriously, Scully. I didn't know you were THAT into granpas. I bet that he even told you bedtime stories, didn't he? Did you sat on his lap too?"

She couldn't believe his words. The truth was that they got really close, especially in that year. She could almost believe that there was something between them, more than just friedship or partnership, that he felt the same way as her. So, during any of these "close" moments, she had said to him that she had a relationship with her older (much older) school med teacher. Obviously, he was taking advantage of knowing that and used it to humiliate her, in front of his friends. She also regretted being so honest about everything that had happened during her trip with The Smoking Man. Somehow, the part where she woke up in her pajamas without remember getting into them, shouldn't have been mentioned. She had already lied to him, one more single and innocent omission wouldn't make things worse.

Now all the weakness and insecurity were giving way to the anger. That was a private subject and he simply exposed it, exposed her without any mercy just for his own reasons. She couldn't take it, humiliation wasn't definitely something acceptable, even from him, actually, especially from him. Then, completely taken by the anger and without having any second thoughts , she suddenly slapped him right on his face.

"I just can't believe you said that! You're such an ASS! Selfish as usual. So, I have to accept that sometimes you just runaway from me, completely ditch on me , but the contrary, isn't acceptable. I'm not allowed. I'm not you freaking property! God!". She said yelling at him.

He had his hands right in the slapped cheek. He couldn't move or say nothing at all. She, otherwise, started to walk towards the door, with heavy footsteps.

"I'm out of here!" She yelled.

She turned her face only to apologize to the Gunmen: "Sorry about that guys".

They just nodded.

She walked away.

There was one brief second of silence.

Byers walked towards Mulder and dared to say: "Man, what the hell is your problem?".

Now all of them were surrounding him.

"You got to be kidding. That woman is almost a saint, when you just disappear, like your still unexplained trip to the Bermudas, she totally gets insane, you know. Capable of anything just to find you, alive". Said Langly.

"Is she really into old guys?", Frohike seemed really interested about it, though Byers and Langly quickly gave him a killing look.

"Sorry, guys. Yeah! You were a complete selfish jerk!" Mulder looked down to face Byers almost yelling at him.

He was aware of what he had just done.

"I know! I screwed things up, right? I...I just got so very worried about her. I mean, he could have killed her or something else, worse." He sat on his couch placing his hands on his head.

"She is a tough girl, Mulder. Plus, I think that if he wanted to kill her, he probably would already have done this. Cancer? Remember? You are just tasting what she has to face everytime you run away", Byers sat by his side and said it in a very honest way.

"Pretty bad, huh?" Langly said.

"Ok, ok, I got that! I'm going to find a way of making it up to her". Mulder sounded worried.

"What are you waiting for? Go!" Byers ordered.

- To be continued -


	2. En Ami ou plus?

**Author's note:** Second chapter now on!

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing it! I appreciate it at lot!

I kind of worked hard with this chapter and I hope you'll all enjoy it!

**Sorry it took so long for an update! But I've just written a missing Scully's POV in the second chapter, it will make sense for the third one. **

R&R? Again? Please?

: )

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><p>Scully broke into her apartment, still completely taken by anger and hurt.<p>

She noticed that her apartment was really dark, there weren't any lights on. It was already past 10 pm. The darkness made her feel even more lonely and the pressure against her heart was unbearable. She couldn't help but to cry, silent and lonely tears.

She finally dared to turn some lights on and started to walk slowly towards her bathroom.

She turned the bathtub faucet, testing the water temperature. She remembered that when she was a little girl, her mother used to tell her that a nice bathtub shower would heal everything, or almost everything. It would be just wonderful if it could mend a broken heart.

As she settled everything for her shower, she started to undress, placing her gun right next to the tub, a habit that she had acquired after joining the FBI and after all of the nearly fatal events that she had been through. She placed her clothes into the laundry box and then, stepped carefully into the tub.

She closed her eyes and sank into the warm water for a few seconds. When she emerged to gasp for some air, she was still full filled with sadness and burst into tears once again, this time not that silently. She was grieving more than ever. The fact was that she hated herself to feel that way, to realize that he definitely had power over her and there wasn't anything that she could do about it, no way out, she was completely trapped. He owned her heart, and now it was bleeding right into his hands, because he had no mercy on squeezing it from time to time. That's exactly what torture means, he tortured her, her feelings and seemed to enjoy that. The worst part was that, deep inside, she enjoyed that torture, in a twisted masochist way, but it was true, she had to admit it. That's why he had such power over her, she allowed him to. Or maybe love is just something similar to slavery.

Suddenly, she heard her front door opening. More than quickly she stepped silently from the tub, grabbed her robe and dressed it, tying its noose around her waist. Then she took her gun walking carefully towars her bathroom door. Her moment of sorrow was stopped and now the fear was taking her over, an adrenaline rush running through her veins and a loud heartbeat.

She tried to wipe her tears away, so they wouldn't block her view to attack the intruder.

She also was able to hear heavy footsteps coming increasly close to the bathroom and, then a: "Scully?". It was him, Mulder.

"God! Mulder! I gave you my copy keys for emergences, ONLY!" She said stepping out from the bathroom with her gun down.

Even though she tried to hide them, he saw the tears on her eyes. That made him feel awful, the worst human being in the earth, and probably from outer space too. His heart broke.

"Well, isn't it an emergence? I knocked, you didn't answer, so." He said looking deeply into her blue eyes.

"You can't just walk in! God! Intimacy sucks sometimes!" He could tell by her voice tone that she was still really pissed at him. She went back to the bathroom to grab a towel and then, headed to her bedroom. He simply followed her.

She turned her bedroom lights on while drying aggressively her hair. She heard him say: "Sorry, Scully. I got worried".

He gave a complete look at her, from toes to head. She was incredibly gorgeous, wearing only her white bath robe, with hair and skin extremely wet still. She noticed him starring at her. She knew that her robe noose wasn't that tight and that maybe he was able to see a little more than he was supposed to, though she didn't care.

"I'll let you dry yourself and get dressed, ok?" He said inocently.

"Oh, you'll let me get dressed? How nice of you!" She was sounding really sarcastic, using a 'nice girl' voice.

"No, let's get rid with this." She added with a stronger voice.

"Ok." He obeyed.

"So?"

"Look, I'm very deeply sorry, Scully. I really didn't mean to be that disrespectful with you. But I…I was so mad, you know. I got scarred of loosing you". He sounded regretful.

"That you were loosing control over me too, right?"

"No, not like that. I mean, yes, kind of. Scully, the truth is that I like to have you near me, more than like actually". He was making an effort to explain himself.

"So now you do know what it feels to be ditched, huh?"

"Are you saying that you just did that because you wanted to pay me back?"

"Here we go again, you're such an egocentric little asswhole, aren't you?" She took a deep breath and started to attack him once again.

"OK, then. Let's turn this into a 'Mulder' conversation. Why do you always have to make everything about you?"

"Hey! Calm down, Scully!. No, this isn't about me, otherwise I wouldn't be standing right here, at your place".

"Do you really think that of me? That I went with The Smoking Man just because I'm into 'old guys'? Tell me, honestly!". She was desperated to hear the answer.

"Of course not, Scully. I lost control, I'm so sorry".

"No! This isn't about loosing control, Mulder. You hurt me in the worst possible way. You just called me dirty bitch in front of The Lonegun men", you exposed something extremely private about me, about MY life, MY past".

"I know! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to. I got angry that you lied to me, Scully". He said lowering his voice tone.

"Come on, Mulder! You are always lying to me or keeping things from me, over and over again. Have I eve treated you that way? Have I ever humiliated you?" She had a point, she knew it.

"I know that, Scully. But that's why I got so disapointed and upset with you, because you're not me. You're are the only one that keeps me honest, that tries to focus in the real truth and not in some buch of lies. I really look up to you, Scully". He said quietly, she could almost swear that she felt affection in the way he said that to her. But it's so hard to know, words just keep confusing us.

"He was only using you, Scully. Like he does all the time". He was trying to change the conversation focus to The Smoking Man. It was much easier to blame someone else.

"Newsflash, so do you! Actually, you use me much more than he does. You just seem to choose which cases I should get involved. When it's something personal, or some meanless conspiration, you simply discard my presence". She returned to speak again, still almost yelling at him.

"Only to protect you, Scully!". He also raised his voice tone, so he could prove that he had a point.

"Oh yeah, the same old 'just to protect you" bullshit. Honey, if you take a good look to our lives you will realize that there's no way of protecting ourselves. I mean, we almost died like hundred times, I lost my sister, I got cancer, so if you really wanted to protect me, you should have worked a little bit harder. Concerning everything, we actually did a great job, I mean, at least we are still alive". That was not 100% true, and she knew it. He had saved her life much more than she liked to admit, at least in that moment.

"That's why Scully, we are still alive, YOU are still alive, I want to keep it".

"God! I swear I hate you sometimes". She couldn't keep her pose and burst into tears.

"Maybe I can live with your 'I want to protect you" lifestyle, but I can't accept you reducing me. And that's what you did, you reduced me into some dirty bitch in front of the Guneman". She walked towards him, point her finger right to his face.

"And wanna hear the worst part? I can't say no to you, I…I just keep following you like some stupid dog, searching or waiting for you when you just disappear, searching for a 'truth' that I'm not even sure that I believe in. All of this just because I…I". She tried to stop her word's vomit, she couldn't expose her real feelings to him, because she feared that he would use it against her once again.

"You what, Scully! Say it for once and all! Spit it out!" He came very close to her, which made her to move a few steps back.

"NO! Why I am the only one who has to confess it? So you can fill yourself with pride, AGAIN?"

"I already said it to you!". Now he was also yelling at her.

"You were drugged, for Christ's sake! Why couldn't you wait until you were sober? Because it isn't true, right? You didn't mean it!"

There wasn't anything else that he could say to prove to her. So, he stepped to the action, which would probably be more effective than a thousand words. Without thinking, he suddenly pushed her to the wall and kissed her wildly, grabbing her delicate face with his both hands.

She was extremely resistant at the beginning, trying so bad to push him away from her. But he was stronger and her feelings for him, even more, so just she surrendered, a bittersweet surrender.

She started to correspond to his kiss and touches, she grabbed his neck and ran her fingers through his hair, never interrupting their desperated kisses. Suddenly, he widly undid her robe noose, grabbing violently her waist, bringing her even more close to his body. She shivered. She was able to feel the urgency of his touches, and he was able to feel hers.

She took his shirt off, without being any gentle, running her hands through his perfect and warm muscles.

It's funny, but the moments before the sex or even the sex itself can be sometimes compared to a fight. Instead of delicate and gentle touches, there are wild ones, almost violent, urgent, burning kisses and lustful touches, moans that can't be hold. Correspond to each others attack, aggressively, the sweet and tainted violence, though not the kind that hurts, at least not in a bad way. At some point, sex it's violence, you invade someone else body, but it's an allowed invasion, a welcome invasion. That was the very description of their moment, when the physical love overcomes the platonic love borderline, there's a desperated search for each other's touch, a search for the two bodies to become only one.

Then, he pushed her towards her bed as they overcame the platonic love borderline.

Past the point of no return.

_"Past the point of no return, no backward glances_

_The games we played 'til now are at an end_

_Past the point of 'if' or 'when', no use resisting_

_Abandon thought and let the dream descend"_

**_(Past the Point of No Return - The Phantom of the Opera)_**

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><p>It was past 2am.<p>

She fell asleep wrapped around his body, warm naked body indeed. He was able to simply gaze at her beauty, so delicate and peaceful. It was a delightful relief to have her that close to him, so that he could protect her from everything and everyone.

_"She seems dressed in all of me_

_Stretched across my shame_

_All the torment and the pain_

_Leak through and covered me_

He started to think about what had just happened. He was pleased but extremely suprised, making an effort to understand if everything was actually real.

_I'd do anything to have her to myself_

_Just to have have for myself_

The truth was that, secretly, he wanted to possess her. More than anything, actually even more than to find out about any alien conspiracy. He had to admit to himself that without her, he would be a big fat nothing, he would be lost and lonely. She always made him feel safe, the truth was that she was his personal life savior, not otherwise. Even though he had saved her life many times, she had saved him from madness, from loneliness and desperation.

_Now I don't know what to do_

_I don't know what to do_

_When she makes me sad_

He just couldn't understand why he had hurt her in that way? Why did he lie to her or kept things from her? Why did he run away? Knowing that he had hurt her several times before, or like she had said during their heated argument, had used her plenty times, was killing him. He had never noticed how much he affected her. By this finding, his being was filled up with regretful sadness.

_She is everything to me_

_The unrequited dream_

_A song that no one sings_

_The unattainable_

_She's a myth that I have to believe in_

_All I need to make it real is one more reason_

Yes, she was everything to him. Much more than she was ever able to notice, and probably much more than he was able to notice. He was trying hard to believe in that very moment, it seemed way to unreal, a beautiful dream. "Why can't I make it real?", he thought to himself.

_And I won't let this build up inside of me_

Too late, all those uncontrollabed feelings had already taken him over. He was panicking.

_I catch in my throat _

_Choke_

_Torn into pieces_

_I don't want to be this_

He didn't want to be the one that always hurt her, in one way or another.

_She isn't real_

_I can't make her real"_

Almost like hearing his thoughts, she moved from him and rolled to the other bed side.

He was free to go. Away with his cowardice.

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><p>Scully woke up with the sound of her morning alarm. Actually, she was used to wake up before the alarm, waking up early wasn't a problem for her, not at all, but somehow, that day, the sound was terribly annoying.<p>

She moved her arms to silent it.

Her body was still a little bit sore, every movement was slightly difficult. Also she was feeling cold, she was completely naked and just one small part of her body was covered by the bed sheet.

Although those feelings weren't disturbing her, not at all, not after the little flashback from the previous night.

In the first few minutes of each day, all the thoughts concerning the previous day seem to pop into our minds, like some sort of flashback, whether they were good or bad, whether they were worth remebering or immediately forgotten. Also, there's a struggle to understand if what we had experienced during the night was only a dream or a nightmare, a need to simply prove the reality . It's quite funny and maybe we don't even realize it, though as much as sometimes we want to escape from the real world, we are always so concerned about searching for the reality, always forcing our memory, just to keep ourselves sane and safe, like a self defense mechanism.

She knew that what had happened wasn't a dream, it was pretty damn real. She let a small escape from her mouth and turned to search for him in the other side of the bed.

The smile quickly vanished away when she found out that there wasn't anything or anyone besides a messy sheet and his addictive scent.

She got up quickly, rolling herself into the bed sheet.

_"Maybe he is in the kitchen or making some breakfast or maybe he left to get some breakfast". _It's is extremely important to remain optimistic in circunstances like this, though an optimism overdose might hide the true facts, only contributing to deceive aourselves even more.

Her heart was beating really fast, like it was going to jump out of her chest. She started to walk faster, searching for him in every room of her apartment.

"Mulder!" She yelled, just like a scared little girl looking for comfort and protection after a creepy nightmare.

No answer.

Empty bed.

Empty bathroom.

Empty kitchen.

Empty heart.

_"He wouldn't just leave me, not after what happened. This is NOT possible". _One single word: Denial. Accepting the truth isn't an easy process, it can be actually extremely painful. But at least it keeps you aware.

Only herself again and her lonileness.

She started to walk slowly towards her bathroom and stopped right in front of her mirror, so she was able to see her image on it. She wasn't definitely admiring her beauty, it wasn't anything related to vanity. She was trying hard to recognize herself, to understand who she was and who she became. All the effort to become a strong, powerful and independent woman, all the runaways from complex relationships, or any relationship at all that could just weaken her or push her away from her main goal, went suddenly right down the toilet. All the avoidance and sacrifices to be untouchable, so nothing and no one could reach or harm her, to actually not have a breaking point, and now she was broken. How did it happen? When did she fall in love with him? When did this love become bigger than her? It seemed ages until their physical crossing lines, years of innocent flirting, harmless touches, hiden love, hiden devotion, a quick first kiss shared in New Year's Eve, and suddenly it all moved surprisingly fast towards the unstoppable. All the struggle to control everything, including her feelings, emotions, senses, and now she finally lost control. The truth was that Mulder wasn't exactly the womanizer type, actually he was always absent minded and more concerned about finding his little green (or grey) men than chasing after girls. And he was always so respectul to women, especially with her, in fact he was always proving that she could trust him, day after day. She had to admit that he was a very handsome, attractive man, and that he had a few girlfriends in the past (maybe more than a few), but he wouldn't do that to her, he wouldn't wait 7 years to sleep with her and just turn that into an one night stand. But what if she didn't know him? What if all that was just pretend? What if she didn't know the real Mulder? She knew Mulder, her partner, her friend, FBI agent, 'Spooky' Mulder, but what about the Mulder man? The one that relates to women. She feared knowing him, though not knowing him entirely feared her the most.

Still starring at herself at the mirror, she was also able to see some marks in her neck, passion marks, love bites, hickeys, call them whatever you like. There were also some marks in her body skin such as arms, breasts and even stomach. Those marks seemed urgent, desperated. How can you desire something so bad and then just leave it? How is that possible? Those marks weren't just an evidence that everything was actually real, they were also a real proof that love hurts, sometimes literally, leaving nothing but scars and a broken heart.

She got back to her bedroom, and allowed herself to lay down in her bed again, she wasn't concerned at all with the fact that she would be late for work, not that day.

She hold really close to her body the pillow where he had lied his head on, feeling that amazing scent, his scent. Once again, a mix of feelings taking over her, sadness, emptiness, anger, deception, and maybe a little bit of regret, she felt used...again. He reduced her again into some dirty little bitch, a meaningless one night stand, and that was unbearable. The worst part was that she couldn't stop loving him, the bad feelings weren't enough to kill her love for him. How could that be possible. How come hurt, deception, anger aren't enough to stop loving someone else. Maybe she loved him so much because he was real, he was always giving her real feelings, real sensations, even when he hurt her, in some twisted way, she loved the way he hurt her. Maybe she was sick. Maybe love is definetely some kind of sickness.

She needed help.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Needless to say that I do not own neither The X-files, or the songs "Past the Point of No Return" from The Phantom of the Opera (I *heart* Andrew Lloyd Webber) or "Vermilion Pt. 2" from Slipknot.

; )


	3. All good Things

**Author's note:** Hey everyone! Here's the third chapter. So sorry it took so long! Well, this one sets during the episode "All Things", starting when Scully meets accidentally (or not that accidentally) Mulder in the street, and then they head to his apartment and end up knocking boots, at least that's what we can assume in the beginning of the episode. Since this episode was a very personal one, I wrote this chapter in first person, as a Scully's POV, so I really tried to get into Scully's shoes.

I also must add that the following chapters will be named according to the episodes titles that I mentioned in the summary and one particular song that suits the episode theme. For instance, I named this third chapter as "All good Things", which refers to the song from Nelly Furtado and also to the episode title "All Things". Since this is an "XFiles Love Medley", which was based on the "Elephant Love Medley" song from Moulin Rouge, I thought that it would be a good idea to mix the chapters titles to some songs.

R & R? Again? Please? Plus, needless to say that suggestions are more than welcome!

Tks!

; )

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><p>I'm outside the hospital now. God! I needed to get out of there, I needed to breath. All this "A Christmas Carol" thing, without the Chirstmas part, took over me. Having the chance to meet again your 'ghosts from the past' isn't the easiest thing in the world, actually it is pretty damn confusing and somehow, painful, mainly because you are forced to deal with your own mistakes and their undeniable consequences. On the other hand, it also might be a great self-knowledge process and therefore, an excelent oportunity to mature, and simply understand the choices that you made, since you have a broad view from who you used to be, who you are now and who you want to be. It's sort of an esoteric experience, I know that now.<p>

Probably this very moment and what I've just experienced wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't had second thoughts concerning my feelings for Mulder. Since the day that we slept together, that blessed and coursed night, I've been so angry and disappointed with him for leaving me alone in bed and especially for acting like nothing at all had happened. I felt underappreciated, ignored and like some kind of useless trophy, another one in his bookshelf. I'm still definitely not aware of his motives, whatever they were or are, and of his true feelings for me, because his actions and words confuse me like hell, though I'm pretty aware of how I feel and who I am. I've been acting like a complety bitch, ignoring him, ditching on him, running away from him, I know that I've been mean, not that he didn't deserve it, but I've been acting like a teenager, pissed of with an unrequited love, pissed of for being rejected, and most of all, pissed of for not having the guts to simply talk to him and try to settle things. I'm as much coward as him.

All this mix of feelings, hate and love, made me also have second thoughts concerning the choices that I made in my life, especially joining the FBI and my partnership (or whatever it is) with Mulder. At this point of my life, I thought that I wanted everything that I'm supposed to want, maybe a marriage, maybe building a family. The real truth is that the society has an undercovered pre-estabilished plan for all the little girls that step into this world, there's this pre-concept that no matter the paths that we choose or our personalities or our great careers, our success level is simply measured by our ability of buliding a family. There's always this veiled pressure for us to get married and have kids, otherwise we're just breaking the main goal of our existence. We live in a modern society, though the concepts never change, they just seem to, with the purpose of only deceiving us. This world is just a big fat museum of old new things. What happen if some little girls are just different than other ones? Well, I'm already breaking this supposed main goal of the female existence, unfortunally I'm unable to have kids. But does it make me less important than other women? What about marriage? I don't even know if I'll ever be the wife type. In fact, maybe one of the things that attracts me to Mulder so much is the fact that he is definitely not the husband type, he is unstable, blindly passionate with his search, he is almost unreachable. I just can't deny his personality, his desires, who he really is, I can't pretend that at some point he will suddenly change and we'll finally live happily ever after, like in some stupid and more than unreal fairytale. I'm not the princess, the damsel in distress, and he is definitely not prince charming, maybe just charming. I only have to focus on the truth, not the truth concerning the stupid alien conspiracy, but the real life one. And isn't life nothing more nothing less than the conspiracy itself?

I really thought that I wanted a different type of life, maybe as a escape mechanism from the reality, I even thought that what I had wasn't exactly something that was worth be named as 'life', but somehow, meeting Daniel again made me understand, and simply accept who I am. In fact, I haven't changed at all, I'm just older now, but I kept honest to myself all these years. I always seem to follow a pattern in my relationships, falling in love with powerful and attractive men, also, unreachable, untouchable men, maybe due to the fact that I won't be able to completely have them. This is sick, though I've always had a crush for unreachable things, setting high goals. The same reason that made me run away from Daniel was the same that made me want to run away from Mulder, the unbearable finding of an unattainable love. But now I'm able to see that all the choices were the right ones. This is the right path, I'm on the right track, even that sometimes it doesn't seem so. I finally accept who I am, all my vices and virtues.

And even that my love for Mulder might follow a pattern, he is the strongest connection that I'll ever possibly have with someone. Despite this akward situation between us, this awful storm, I'm more than pleased with the simple fact of just having him in my life, at least as a partner or a friend. The truth is that there's something unique between us, and this is undeniable.

Now I'm walking on the streets, without a specific direction for a change. I'm barely feeling my feet on the ground, I feel like levitating or something, in fact I'm not feeling anything at all, just one billion thoughts running through my head, and even them are starting to vanish away. Everything seems to be in slow motion, it's a weird though pleasant sensation. I start to look everything around me, the cars slowly passing by and people walking all over the directions, I can see their faces. It's quite good to see everything slowing down, usually we're always on a rush, everything is always on a rush, we don't even have time to see the details, we just blink and then everything is changed.

I keep walking. I can see two nuns passing me by, they made me remind of my childhood in a catholic school, but I really don't feel like looking back at the past again, I've had enough these past few days. I'm feeling completly empty now, I'm nothing at all though everything at the same time. How's that even possible?

I can see someone different now, not different, but oddly familiar. It's that woman with blonde ponytail again. She looks a lot like Melissa, that's why she got my attention. The emptness now gives way to the sadness, deep sadness. I miss her so much, so much that hurts, I feel like crying. I know it can't be her, she's gone, but just like in the dreams that I had, I really want to talk her or just look at her again, for the last time, I have to stop her.

"Excuse me!" I said daring to touch her arm.

Suddenly, the slow motion stopped, giving way back to the same old rush. When I touch her arm and she turns to face me, she's someone else now, definitely not my sister, not even a woman, still someone familiar. It's Mulder.

At least he seems really happy to see me, which instantly makes my heart fill up with joy and beat slightly faster.

"Hey", I hear he saying.

"Mulder?", I'm more than surprised, I can't hide it.

"I was just looking for you". He sounded a little bit worried.

"But you're supposed to be in England". I'm still not believing.

"I'm back". He said looking deep into my eyes. Ow! Those eyes...

"What happened?". I really feel like understanding him.

"Nothing. There was no event. No crop circles. Big waste of time". He was being honest.

"Maybe sometimes nothing happens for a reason, Mulder". Now I'm being honest, to my own feelings, to myself, to him, for those past few days sake.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He is confused now. I love confusing him. Usually, he confuses me.

"Nothing". I can't help but to smile.

The truth is that suddenly, everything went incredibly clear.

He was everything to me. He was MY everything.

Every stumbled beginning

Every undeniable ending

All the paths lead me straight to him

He is every feeling, every sensation

He is my insanity

And the only thing that keeps me sane

A cancer that consumes my heart deeper and deeper

And the only cure

The most complicated love

And the most simple that I've ever had

My free fall

And my solid ground

My abyss

And my safe harbor

My last breath

Every single breath

All the questions

And the only answer

My only addiction

My cigarette

My drug

The piercing needle into my fragile vein

The only rehab

My disgrace

My freedom

My hell

My heaven

The evil

That only made me well

Every problem

And the only solution

All the lies

And the only truth

My torment

My joy

My pain

My healing

My disease

My medicine

My despair

My delight

My predator

My savior

My 'no way out'

The only exit

My agony

The only pleasure

The darkness

The only light

Everything that I hate

The only thing that I love

Momentary

Everlasting

Death

Eternal life

Never

Forever

So, for now on, I'll just quit trying to forget you, trying to get rid of this love, and simply decided to want you, just to want. I will allow myself to think about you, as many times I want to, without losing anything, without feeling guilty, without regretting it. I surrender, and I accept that.

"Come on, I'll make you some tea". Right now I just need to be next him, no matter how, even just to talk. God! I missed talking to him.

Spontaneously, I placed my arm around him and lead him away.

* * *

><p>We're sitting really close on his sofa, which somehow makes me feel safe. We have been talking for a while now, drinking some tea. Usually we drink beer, though it's good to see that nothing had changed between us, we're still able to talk for hours without running out of subjects.<p>

"I just find it hard to believe". He seem amazed with everything that I've just told him.

"What part?" Come on, Mulder, I've explained you almost every single detail, I think to myself.

"The part where I go away for two days and your whole life changes". Now he's just being cocky.

"Mmm, I didn't say my whole life changed". It didn't and that's exactly the point.

"You speaking to God in a Buddhist temple. God speaking back". Off course he would make a joke, that's his trademark.

"Mmm, and I didn't say that God spoke back. I said that I had some kind of a vision". I don't even know why do I keep always explaining myself, actually I do know.

"Well, for you, that's like saying you're having David Crosby's baby". Joking again, but I don't mind, in fact, I love his sense of humor, when I'm not irritated or pissed of I must add.

I know I look thoughtful right now and he noticed it.

"What is it?" He dares to ask.

"I once considered spending my whole life with this man. What I would have missed". I know exactly what I would have missed...you.

"I don't think you can know. I mean, how many different lives would we be leading if we made different choices. We... We don't know". Yes, he's actually getting what I'm saying.

"What if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong? And there were signs along the way to pay attention to". Now I'm just jabbering. I have so much to tell him, no, I have just one single thing to tell him, actually three simple, easy words. But they won't come out, so I just keep confusing him with my words, like he does to me. Then, why talk? I don't even know if he wants to hear it. Though, running away won't make things easier, so that's why I stay.

"Mmm. And all the... choices would then lead to this very moment. One wrong turn, and... we wouldn't be sitting here together. Well, that says a lot. That says a lot, a lot, a lot. That's probably more than we should be getting into at this late hour". He is nervous, I can tell by the way he's jabbering now.

I can't help but to fall asleep. In fact, these past few days I didn't sleep at all, my body and my mind are really heavy, I'm really tired. Just having him this next to me makes me relax, I'm safe, he is my guardian. Though, I still can feel Mulder gently pushing a strand hair out of my face. Maybe he is starring at me at this moment.

* * *

><p>I woke up in the dark, it might be very late.<p>

I'm alone in his living room.

I needed him, I needed his touch, craved for his kiss. I needed an overdose of my one and only drug, the only one that could give me the most amazing joy, delightful sensation and then, depression and decadence. He killed me and made me alive at the same time.

Barely feeling my feet on the ground, I walked silently towards his bedroom, through the darkness.

There he was, so peaceful sleeping in his bed. Beautiful, tempting in his boxers and his perfectly shaped body. Yeah, you were definitely drawned by the hands of God, and you're probably his master piece. I was created from your rib.

I had to be near me, I couldn't stop myself, I can't control myself.

I saw his shirt lying above the bed, and I couldn't help but to grab it, feel his scent, his toxic scent. Almost like under chemical substances effect, I quickly go rid of my clothes and dared to wear his shirt, wear him. He wouldn't mind, I just wanted to be next to him, any scrap from his bread, any handouts from his love, even that I couldn't have him the way that I wanted, that was better than to don't have him at all.

So I sneaked carefully into his bed, just like a scared child again, searching for embrace, comfort.

He didn't move.

I laid my head into the pillow next to him, and just watched his sleep.

But to watch him and don't touch him is almost impossible. I gently caressed his face.

He suddenly woke up, looking a little bit confused, and then he saw me.

"Hey…I thought you were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you".

I couldn't step into another pointless conversation, not now, words just distract ourselves. I silenced him with a delicate kiss right into his mouth.

Then he pushed me closer and returned with a extremely passionate kiss.

The next step was unstoppable, again.

* * *

><p>He was sleeping again, peacefully, pleased, but the thoughts wouldn't let me be.<p>

After the overdose, comes the paranoia.

The truth is that I still didn't know if he wanted me to be there when he woke up. And to be honest, I didn't know if I wanted that either. I wouldn't risk loosing my unattainable.

I silently got up from his bed, grabbed my clothes that were lying on the ground, and walked towards the bathroom.

I started to get dressed when an another undeniable finding crossed my mind: Everything would be the same again. Love denial. Secret lovers at night, innocent friends by dawn.

I miss you already...

"Flames to dust  
>Lovers to friends<br>Why do all good things come to an end?"

(All Good Things - Nelly Furtado)

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Do not own "The X-Files"


	4. How could it hurt you?

**Author's note:** OK, here we go again! So, this chapter sets during the episode "Hollywood A. D.", precisely when Scully goes to Mulder's place in the middle of the night. I know that this might not be the best MSR scene in the whole episode, though I think that it says a lot about their relationship and the way that Scully always seems to run towards him. So, it's a Scully's POV...again.

I named this chapter "How could it hurt you?", which refers to the song "Hollywood" from Madonna, "How could it hurt you, when it looks so good". I know that this song was released one year after the end of "The X-Files", though since it's a fanfiction, let's just pretend that it was already released, ok?

I also want to dedicate this chapter to my friend "XFoxMuldersGirlX": Sorry, girl, I know this one should be a Mulder's POV, but I really hope you'll enjoy it anyway!

**Disclaimer**: Do not own "The X-Files", do not own any song from the godness Madonna.

Thank you very much for everyone that's reading and reviewing it! Please, keep going!

; )

* * *

><p>I couldn't sleep at all. I must say that unfortunately, insomnia has taken a huge part of my life, so much that it shouldn't even bother me anymore, and it don't, except that sometimes this agony is unbearable, like it is right now. These past few days have been surprisingly awkward, and I didn't even know that it would be possible concerning everything that I've already seen, instead of getting used to the bizarre, it actually keeps surprising me with the time. Maybe it isn't the events that surprise me, though my reactions to them, their real effects to my system.<p>

All this "Lazarus Bowl" thing, and the misunderstanding (or not) concerning Cardinal O'Fallon, and dealing with twisted hallucinations from Hoffman as a talking zombie or a crucified one, and an extremely annoying Hollywood screenwriter following us almost the whole time, plus my still un-solved relationship with Mulder took me over the edge, probably much more than it should. Sometimes I even feel a stranger to myself, this "Mulder metamorphosis" process has been changing me, for years now, changing the way that I see things and the way that I feel things. He made me insane, just like him, though he made me feel alive, he makes me feel alive, and...and he breathes truth through my veins.

I've been tossing and turning in my bed for hours now, and there's only one place in the whole world than can actually heals me, that would be his place, in fact it's not the place that has the healing power, just he. He's definitely my personal walking contradiction he confuses me, he even denies me, he tortures and torments me, but at the same time, he's the only one who's able to make all the bad thoughts simply go away.

I have this well known whirlwind of sensations inside of me

I wake up, I tremble, I go crazy

I finally runaway towards my savior

I'm on my way to his place

I warm up, I harden

I'm stading right in front of his door, I knock

I melt, I evaporate

I simply look at him

And then I fall as pouring rain

I admit, I transform myself, he's my undeniable chemical and physical metamorphosis

He's lying on his couch with eyes set on the TV. If I know him pretty damn well, he might be watching an old cheesy sci-fi film.

He sits up and makes room for me to sit beside him.

"Couldn't sleep either, huh?" I hear he saying. A great evidence that he know me as well.

I glance at the TV and I was right, he's actually watching an extremely old and lame sci-fi film.

"Plan 9 From Outer Space?" I try to sound surprised, but I'm not.

"Yeah. It's the Ed Wood investigative method. This movie is so profoundly bad in such a childlike way that it hypnotizes my conscious critical mind and frees up my right brain to make associo-poetic leaps and I started flashing on Hoffman and O'Fallon. How there's this archetypal relationship like Hoffman's Jesus to O'Fallon's Judas or Hoffman's Jesus to O'Fallon's Dostoyevsky's Grand Inquisitor, or Hoffman's Jesus to O'Fallon's St. Paul". He's vomiting words now, but I'm following him. God! He's such a geek, a hot geek I must say. I really wish that one day he could just turn his C.O.D. for the weird to me.

"How about Hoffman's Roadrunner to O'Fallon's Wile E. Coyote?" I have to joke him. He laughs.

We turn to look at the TV again, but I'm not really paying attention to the movie. I'm thoughtful, and he can notice it.

"Mulder..." OK, I think I'm ready to speak.

"Yeah?" He allows me to.

"Do you think it's at all possible that Hoffman is really Jesus Christ?" Oh. My. God. I can't even believe in what I've just asked.

"Are you making fun of me?" My question was so absurd that he's even thinking that I'm actually making fun of him.

"No". I'm not, really, that's the worst part.

"Well, no, I don't. But crazy people can be very persuasive". Now he's teasing me.

"Well, yes, I know that". I give him a look and he totally gets it. He in fact persuaded me as many times as I can remember. We laugh together, I can't even tell how much I love these moments. By this time, he already made all the bad thoughts go away.

"Maybe true faith is really a form of insanity". OK, now I'm just philosophizing, maybe as a mechanism to hide my true intentions.

"Are you directing that at me?" He's getting a little defensive, again.

"No. God! You're so egocentric! I'm directing it at myself and at Ed Wood." I say kind of breaking his legs.

"Well, you know, even a broken clock is right 730 times a year".

We turn to get in silent again, just watching the movie, or at least, pretending to.

"How...?" I would say "How many times have you watched this film" though we have the great power to read each other's thoughts and he answers before I even finish the question.

"42". He confesses.

"Oh My God! You're such a freak!" I can't help but to make fun of him. He's laughing.

"Doesn't that make you sad? It makes me sad." I add.

Silence again. I'm not actually following the movie, but there are two characters and they seem to be talking something about Hollywood.

"You know, Scully, we've got four weeks probation vacation and nothing to do and Wayne Federman's invited us out to L.A. to watch his movie being filmed and God knows I could use a little sunshine". I knew he was thinking about something.

I can't help but to look at him, and he smiles, though, I still remain in silence, like I'm thinking about it, just a little charm before agreeing to his perfect invitation.

"Scully..." He's pushing me.

"Well...How could it hurt you when it looks so good?" I look at him and say almost singing a little phrase from Madonna's song with a sexy tone.

"What was that?" He's looking curiously at me.

"It's a Madonna's song! Hollywood! Haven't you ever heard it?" Oh! I forgot! He doesn't live on earth.

"No, I haven't, I guess. You know, I think we reached a point where I don't seem to surprise you anymore, you, on the other hand, keep surprising me". He's smiling while he speaks. I'm frozen listening to him.

"You're such a little box of suprises, aren't you? You asked me if Hoffman was actually Jesus Christ and now your singing Madonna! What comes next? Making love to saints in a 'Pepsi' commercial?"

I'm laughing.

"In this case, nice to meet you, my name is Saint". Oh boy, now he's actually hitting on me.

I give him a small punch on his left arm, though I can't help but to keep laughing.

"Mulder!".

He suddenly grabbs my wrist with strength, but without hurting me.

We look at each other's eyes deeply for a little time.

"I...I think I'm gonna go". I try to break the moment.

"No!"

He sets my wrist free and slowly comes really close to me, holding gently my face with his both hands.

I'm nervous, like it was the first time. I think that showing up at 2am to a man's apartment might be a little suggestive, maybe more than just a little.

He kisses me.

And then, dot dot dot.


	5. Requiem for a dream

**Author's note:** Hi everyone! So, finally, here's the last chapter. The title does not concern a specific song, I kind of broke my own rules, though it refers to the amazing film with the same title from a genius named Darren Aronofsky (Yeah..the same one from "Black Swan"), and which totally suits the "Requiem" episode, in my opinion. First, we have a Mulder's POV and then a Scully's one.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, not even the rules that I had set and just broke.

Hope you all could read and review it, please?

My special thanks to the ones that have been actually following this story. It means a lot to me!

xoxo

* * *

><p>- Mulder's POV -<p>

Not long ago that we started to ask some questions to Teresa Hoese, and my attention level has already started to decrease, which isn't something really common given the importance of this case, though something, no, someone else, came into focus, her, and this has become increasingly common.

Teresa has noticed that Scully was watching her baby with affection since we got here. I noticed it too, and Scully obviously noticed that I noticed. The thing is that Scully sometimes can hide her feelings pretty well, though knowing her for such a long time, I've became a master in undercovering them , and I'm even able to describe every single detail of what she's exactly feeling or thinking. She's the only one who I have telepathic activities with, and she has the exact same ability with me, it's something incredibly unique, and precious, and beyond all understanding.

After saying something about getting some files, Teresa just stood up and handed the baby to Scully. She gave me an embarrassed look, as if she was trying to avoid eye contact with me, probably because she knew that I've been starring at her and could hear all the screaming thoughts inside my head. I can tell that she isn't comfortable with the way that I've been watching her, maybe she can feel pity in my eyes, but this time she's wrong, I admit that there's a mix of feelings running through my body this very moment, but guilty might be the strongest one.

Seeing her holding the baby with such affection and tenderness, the most beautiful view and the worst at the same time, I can't help but to feel somehow guilty and, selfish. All the things that were taken from her, only because she has blindly chosen to follow the same path as me, she chose me, and she keeps choosing me over and over again, like no one ever did. Still, I'm not completely able to keep her from getting hurt, actually sometimes I hurt her, with words, omissions or actions, it's almost biblical, even after denying her over three times, she simply chooses to be right by my side, loyal and faithful to the death. I may have a hard time for showing it to her, but I would give anything, my life, just to give her back all the lost things, a whole life full filled with hapiness, instead of darkness and pain. Maybe this is the very reason why I have been ignoring us, this love is something that I've been secretly craving for such a long time, though it seems to weaken her because it brings her even closer to me, and I fear to hurt her again. I don't want her to suffer anymore, I can't stand that.

And I keep watching her, as if I'm enjoying a remarkable paiting and analyzing every sensation that it gives me. Time seems to stop, no clock ticking, only she seems to be alive. There's also this sound absence, only the delightful and sweet sound of her voice remain. Only her image is in focus now, like there isn't anything else around. I'm deeply hypnotized.

Suddenly, being so damn free scares me, this lonely, empty indepence, sometimes even my obssessive search for the truth gets blurred and she becomes the only truth that I want to believe in. I'm taken by the undeniable fact that I can't even acept myself without her anymore. When I look at her, I can instantly give up on everything very easily, without thinking twice, all my annoying old habits, even sunflower seeds aren't that much tasteful.

Her scent lingers in my skin, intoxicating me, so the taste of her kisses and the warmth of her touch. I have a flashback from our previous nights together.

A night ending

Lights off

Secret lovers

Dawn

Some things are just impossible to forget.

I've wasted a long part of my life running after the dead, searching incessantly for my long gone beloved sister, believing in hundreds of lies and acepting the truth, choosing to simply believe in the supernatural rather than reality. I've been blind, and all the lies concerning my family, all the ones that I've been told, the betrayal and conspiracy underneath them, only hardened me. She made me a more malleable person, a better person in every possible way, and above all things, she restored my belief in love, in its purest concept.

And it's only for her, in her honor, that I won't let this love simply vanish away, I won't let it run through my fingers. It's time to stop losing things, but to make them real and try to keep them forever.

I want her foverer.

* * *

><p>- Scully's POV -<p>

I'm scared to death, standing right in front of Mulder's motel door, I'm not feeling ok. I really don't want to sound as if I'm pushing him, though I'm desperately craving for his healing power once again. I dare to knock.

"Who is it?" I hear his voice clearly.

"It's me". I already know that I sound fragile. Only by my voice tone, he already knows that something is wrong. No one can read me this well as him.

He quickly opens the door and I can already feel slightly better. He looks worried.

"What's wrong, Scully? You look sick". His words only confirm the obvious concern written on his face.

"I don't know what's wrong". I don't, really, and that's why I'm scared, affraid of what this sudden malaise might mean.

"Come in". He finally lets me in.

I get inside the room, walking towards the bed, where I can sit. I'm shivering.

"I, um... I was starting to get ready for bed and I started to feel really dizzy, vertigo or something, and then I just... I started to get chills". I'm even having a hard time to formulate the words. He's listening to me, then he just turns down the sheets and blankets on the bed.

"You want me to call a doctor?" He asks.

"No, I just... I just want to get warm". The last thing that I want now is a doctor, piercing needles, blood tests, other tests, are just way too terrifying.

I climb onto the bed, as Mulder gently takes my shoes off, dropping them to the floor. I get under the covers while he tucks me in, lying behind my body, embracing me. It's feels good, warm, I'm finally safe. There's no longer shyness between us, we are very comfortable with each other's touch.

"Thank you". I can't help but to thank him, much more than for this moment.

There is a moment of silence, the one that is very common between us, the one where our thoughts seem to be having a conversation.

"It's not worth it, Scully". He finally dares to speak.

I have to think for a while before asking him.

"What?". OK, I'm ready.

"I want you to go home".

"Oh, Mulder, I'm going to be fine". My standard answer.

"No, I've been thinking about it. Looking at you tonight, holding that baby... knowing everything that's been taken away from you. A chance for motherhood and your health and that baby. I think that... I don't know, maybe they're right". I knew it, I knew it all, the way that he was starring at me earlier, somehow, I already knew all his thoughts.

"Who's right?". I ask him firmly.

"The FBI. Maybe what they say is true, though for all the wrong reasons. It's the personal costs that are too high". He sounds very honest, as if he has been thinking about the subject for a long time.

"There so much more you need to do with your life. There's so much more than this". He gently whispers into my ear.

"You speak as if you wanted me to give up on everything". I'm starting to get a bad vibe.

"Mulder...You should know by now that this isn't only about you, it's about us. This is my life too, I chose this path. I could have given up long time before, but I didn't. Why can't you see that?

"There has to be an end, Scully". Once again, he whispers his bitter words into my ear. Maybe I'm not really getting what he's trying to say, it's hard to simply understand him sometimes. His words keep confusing me, over and over again, and the apparently harmless word "END" had pretty much the same effect as a nuclear bomb into my fragile system. It echoed through all my body and deafened me to the rest of his words. Words shouldn't be that scary, though the possible meaning for "end" was unbearable. Why do we always expect the worst?

Even though I'm scared to ask, I have to get rid once and for all of this doubt that consumes deeper and deeper. I can't no longer leave things the way they are.

So, I turn my body to face him, looking deeply into his sad eyes. I wait a minute until I have enough courage to speak.

"What do you mean?" I finally ask him.

He says nothing, he just keep looking into my eyes too.

"Mulder...You should know by now that this isn't only about you anymore, it's about us. This is my life too, I chose this path. I could have given up long time before, but I didn't. This battle is as much yours as mine. Why can't you see that?" I noticed that I raised a little bit my voice tone.

Without waiting any reaction from him, I gently place my hand in his cheek, my next few words are going to be important.

"I love you". I said firmly. I'm not affraid of letting him know, I'm not a coward, I'm definitely not hesitating and if it's coming to an end, I really don't want to regret the unspoken words. If there's only thing that I'm 100% sure off in my life, is the simple fact that I love him, unreservedly, I crave for him. I keep blaming him for not letting me know about his feelings, about ignoring me, ignoring us, though I haven't done anything at all either. I'm denying us just as much as him, and I really don't want to be like this.

I can see that he left a small smile escape from his perfect shaped mouth, never tooking his eyes from mine. Somehow, this innocent smile made me stronger and I turn to speak again, adding value to my previous meaningful three little words.

"More than anything in the whole world, much more than I thought that I would even be capable of. If I could have just one thing for myself, if I could choose, that would be you. You have no idea of how many years I waited, secretly loving you, smothering with this unattainable love". I can feel my eyes filling up with tears, it's getting harder and harder to speak, or breath.

I blink and the tears can't no longer be hold. Lonely and silent tears.

He keeps facing me, and his unusual silence is disturbing me.

"I wanna love you, I wanna be with you, but if...if this love is way too unattainable for me to reach, or if you simply don't feel the same way, then yes, I'll leave you alone. And I promise, not matter how painful it will be, I'll make my best to try to forget you. I love you, though I can't keep hurting myself like this anymore". If once the tears were a little reluctant, now they freely stream down my face, as if they already knew the way.

Even though the tears are blurring my view, I can notice that his eyes are also filling up with tears, a rare situation.

Then, he decides to not speak at all, instead he starts to move his body towards mine, until we got face to face. He caresses my face, gently, with affection, and he kisses away the already shed tears, one by one, first the ones right bellow by eyes, then the ones running through my cheeks, until he gets to the salty ones that were resting in the corner of my mouth. He kisses me, slowly, deeply, passionately. Now I can also feel his tears in my face. It's no longer a rush kiss, urgent, desperated, forbiden, it's a real one, the one that screams 'I won't go anywhere'.

We break the kiss, but he still has his burning eyes into mine.

"Why do you talk like this?" His eyes are still wet, he tries to wipe the tears away.

"Why? Mulder, because it's true! I don't know for sure if you love me or if I'm just a distraction to you. You...you left me alone in bed after the first time that we slept together. What was I supposed to assume? You ignored pretty damn well what happened". I know that I'm being too hard on him, though he leaves me no way out.

"That's what you think? That you're just a distraction to me?" He said raising his voice tone while getting up. He stood sat on the bed with eyes fixed into mine. I can't help but to get up either, I keep crying.

"You're everything to me! I love you!" He grabs firmly my face with his both hands, and his eyes burn like never before.

"Are you listening to me? I..." He kisses me. He breaks and speaks again.

"Love". He kisses me again and breaks.

"You". With this last word, we kiss a little longer before he decides to speak again.

"Look...I'm so sorry for all the pain that I've ever put you through, for denying you, denying this love, our love. I know that I screwed things up more than once, that...that I have the amazing ability of pulling everyone away from me, but not you, you're the only one that ever stood by my side, not matter what. You restore my hope everyday, you're my future". I can't even believe his words, the words that I waited so long to hear.

"The only way of thanking you, of showing you how much you mean to me is to make this love real. I'm willing to give up on everything".

"Mulder...I don't want you to change who you are, your beliefs, your search. That's not the point". I have to let him know, I don't change to turn him in something that he isn't, I don't want to change every single detail that made me fall in love with him.

"You are my belief, nothing else matters. My only persuit now is to simply turn these sad tears into endless smiles. It has to end sometime. That time is now. This was our very first case together, and will be the last one, I don't see any better way of ending this. It took us exacts nine years to understand that we belong together, I won't blow this, I finally have a chance to reach happiness, and I want to build it with you and you only". I knew that those weren't broken promisses.

"I want you to go home, and wait for me until I finish this case once and for all, ok?" He asks me almost as if he's begging.

"I can't let you alone". I say with a bit of sadness.

"I'll be fine, Scully. I won't risk loosing you, never again. I'll be home soon, I promise". The way that he spoke those words somehow made me believe, and I couldn't have imagined that those would be unfortunately broken promisses.

I'm in a hospital bed now, having a flashback of a dream that once seemed to be my reality.

He won't be home soon, though I'll wait for him any how, even that it takes me the eternity. This is my promise to him, and I won't break it.

- The end -


End file.
